Wednesday, July 10, 2013


I'm coming up on the ten year anniversary of the date I first started cleansing. On July 12, 2003 - at my aunt and uncle's house - I had my last glass of wine for six months. (My last several glasses of wine, actually.) The cleanse started July 13th.

I was SO hoping to have the book version of the blog finished for that milestone. I'm excited about it. I think it's going to be so helpful. Cleansing is simple - and mostly easy. But because it's an overall lifestyle choice, it's far-reaching. So I think an actual 'guide' will be great.

Unfortunately, the book will NOT be ready for the anniversary. I was going to DIY it, but I want it to look and feel just right. So I'm researching professional cover and text designers. The whole process is taking a lot more time than I thought. Meaning I'm a tad down on myself for missing the deadline. Luckily, after cleansing - I'm much better at self-forgiveness than I used to be. So I'm not exactly punching myself in the head. Just sort of giving myself the cold shoulder. ;)

Talking about that first cleanse, I've got a trip coming up in September that should prove interesting ... My Aunt Linda and Uncle Michael - the two who unknowingly became part of my cleansing process when I had my last drink at their house that night - are on their way for a visit to my hometown in September.

And I'm going with them.

The first trip I've had home in five years.

The first time I've seen my mother in five years.

The last time was in August of 2008. I went home for the 100th Anniversary of my high school.  Back when I graduated - sometime in the early 80s (how can I not remember?!) - my alma mater was a badass place. The only high school in our blue collar town that was on a semester system, students from all over the area - rich and poor - came to take advantage of finishing a year early or catching up on a lost credit in half the time. It was also the place where they sent students who got kicked out of all the other high schools in town. So hockey players, preppies and geeks were often overrun by stoners, delinquents and truancy cases. Crazy times.

I got expelled myself just before I graduated - for skipping class. A favorite pastime of mine. I'd go down to the local coffee shop, smoke cigarettes and scribble in my journal ... about how much I hated school. Very original. (Incidentally, I was also secretary of the student council, so schizo tendencies started early.)

Luckily for me, Bruce The Mechanical Shark (what I called the V.P. who persecuted me - his first name was Bruce) gave me an option: if I showed up at the detention centre every single morning at 8 a.m., I could graduate. So guess who showed her sorry ass up at school every day at eight sharp? Even if she didn't have a class until 1. Poor Miss Functional. To tell you the truth, we were so close to the end of the term I only had to do it for about two or three weeks, but still, it hurt. The good news is I was finally able to don my graduation gown!

btw my alma mater is no longer a pace for stoners and delinquents. It has recently undergone a multi-million dollar renovation (which included tearing down a lot of the old school ... sniff) and has become a shiny new arts school.  Ballet dancers and all. Coincidental, seeing as I now wear ballet slippers once a week.

I should say the place wasn't just for stoners and delinquents in the old days. Our stellar alumnae include Tim Horton, NHL hockey star and founder of Canada's most beloved coffee & donut shopsJoe Bowen, sportscaster and "Voice of the Toronto Maple Leafs (he also happened to be my Uncle Mike's costar on the hilarious morning radio show they hosted when I was growing up); Alex Tilley, creator of that packable hat senior citizens seem to favor; and ... wait for it ... Alex Trebek, the charming host of Jeopardy. Prague-born Olympic swimming star Alex Baumann was also at the school while I attended. (Weird! So many Alex's!) Looking very clean and sober when I'd see him walk by from my perch in the detention center.

I don't know why I'm listing the famous graduates of my high school today. Started thinking about that reunion, I guess. Maybe getting sentimental about a trip home. And like I said, I'm feeling a bit down about missing that deadline. So to pump myself out - hey! Why not brag about other people's accomplishments?! Google your own high school and check out if there are any famous grads. It's good for the ego. Sort of.

Anyway, we made a video of that reunion. Pretty hilarz. Drank quite a bit of wine in plastic cups that night. I'll have to dig it out and post it.

btw, Alex Trebek didn't show.