Thursday, July 26, 2012

Depressed ...

Okay ... so I've been depressed for about ten days now. Bizarre. Depressed, anxious, paranoid, nervous. And it's not just all PMS.

It started - at least mildly - when I stumbled upon some REALLy depressing and scary facts about alcohol consumption in one of the posts on "Drinking Diaries" - the popular blog, soon to be released as a book. I love that people - women especially - are sharing their stories about drinking. And I'm definitely getting their book due out at the end of August.

But holy shit. There is some depressing shit about women and drinking on that blog. I'm not talking about the great stories people send in. I'm talking about the articles, in particular one called "Women and Alcohol" by Ann Dowsett Johnston that said the gap between men and women drinkers is closing. We're starting to drink almost as much as men - which isn't a good thing because apparently women - with their higher body fat content - react more negatively to alcohol than men and it's going to start showing up in health concerns. Like one drink a day will increase your risk of breast cancer by 10%.

So I read that and started to feel concerned. I mean seriously concerned. The more I learn about alcohol for my plan - the more terrifying it gets. But I kept this enormous post up on my desktop because I knew I wanted to blog about it. But I just couldn't bring myself to start. Unfortunately, I didn't want to close the damn article because I'm not sure I could find it again so there it sat, every time I checked my email, every time I Googled something, every time I opened the cute little ads that come in my inbox from the Gap. So I got more and more scared and depressed. Like what am I telling people to do?!! Should we all just quit drinking?!! Forever? And be healthy ... and healthy ... and ... healthy? Maybe bored, maybe square, but whatever. We'd be healthy!!

I'm a big fan of Abraham-Hicks and the Law of Attraction so I believe your energy at any given moment is helping to create your environment. So I'm in this negative energy loop because of all this stuff about drinking and ... sure enough ... I FINALLY click on that "Hey! Do this free Chakra test!" by Carol Tuttle that I saw on Oprah's website (and just about everywhere else) and I found out that one of my chakras is CLOSED. Not just weak, but CLOSED. There was a weak one too.  But the closed one floored me. My "personal power" chakra - closed for business. I did some of the breathing exercises she emailed me ... and then I went for a haircut.

BAD DECISION. Never go for a haircut when you're in a negative place. The guy was nice but he had bad breath and he gave me old lady hair. Cost me $85 plus tips and products. (I always get roped into products.) So I came home and cried. I hated the hair so much, I decided to go to ANOTHER salon five days later to have it fixed. Googled "best damn haircuts in my neighborhood" kind of thing and this guy had about twenty stars on He also happened to be right across the street from the guy with halitosis, but still. He was also extremely expensive! Though I didn't know how expensive because they didn't post their prices on their site. First hint.

Anyway - I'll cut to the chase. The guy was snobby and rough and did my hair exactly the opposite of how I asked. It cost me $135 plus tips and products and I came home and ... cried some more. This after about a week of crying over, I don't know, closed chakras, breast cancer, liver disease, career angst, failed relationships, abstinence, free-floating anxiety - and of course my hair.

And now ... I have to find someone to do my highlights. Gad!!

I could use a drink. But ... it's only ten in the morning and it's my second off-day this week. So I'll breathe. I'll blog. I'll brainwash myself into thinking all is well. Lots of love!