Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Day 14 - The Turn

I'm at the halfway point - I sometimes call this, the Battle of Midway. And I'm not talking about the most famous naval battle of WWII, six months after Pearl Harbor. I'm talking about halfway through your cleanse.

I don't know what it is, but this isn't the first time I've found myself kind of antsy at "the turn." Sunday morning, we woke up to a disaster: our wonderful A/C dehumidifier unit - R2 we call it because it looks like R2D2 - had overflowed in the night and send gallons, yes, gallons, of water onto our bedroom floor.

The hubs caught it first, splashing into 1/4 of water on the wood parquet next to his bed. We were in panic mode a minute later, moving the bed because our box spring (set on the floor) was soaked. I had to blowdry it for hours while the hubby worked his hands and knees raw using every towel in the house to sop up the rest of the mess.

We worked for a solid four hours, including laundry. Without even stopping for a coffee. For some reason, it really got to my husband and he couldn't shake his bad mood all day. I felt I had gotten over it, but his grumbling must've gotten to me. I was more than happy to take a break and head out to the store for some groceries.

It was an overcast day, Labour Day Weekend. I usually start drinking Labour Day Weekend. Maybe that was part of it. Or just the knowledge of the coming winter. I was certainly feeling bitter that not only had we ruined the morning, but most of the day with his bad mood. He apologized for it later, but at the time I was simmering.

And ended up sharing some heated words with the cashier at the grocery store. She was a young girl, frizzy dark hair, couldn't have been more than twenty. It was obvious when I set my reusable bags down that she wasn't going to pack them for me, waiting for me to get my money out of my wallet.

I don't known when being environmentally conscious turned into having to bag your own fucking groceries, but I'm sick of it. There were some snappish words between us and I walked home seething even worse than when I went out. By the time I came home, tears were actually running down my face. I didn't want to explain it to my husband because I held him partly responsible for my angry state of mind in the first place.

Eventually, we talked it over and I guess I got over it. We saved a night of "Sons of Anarchy" and Pom Wonderful with Pink Grapefruit infused Perrier (a real treat, trust me!).

I couldn't help but feel as I was walking home that if I wasn't on a cleanse, a drink would really have helped me shake off the bad mood. It really would have. I know that. So sometimes, when you're feeling short-tempered for whatever reason on a cleanse, it's not the easiest thing in the world to do.

But take a few deep breaths. Know that the cleanse will end. That at least you won't be facing nasty cashiers or A/C disasters sober for the rest of your life.

In a way, though - and this has happened before too - even the worst fights or bad moods are actually liberating when you can't drink. It forces you to move into your issues more deeply. There's no superficial letting-you-off-the-hook of your true emotions that a drink or two affords you. Which is wonderful, lets face it, and probably the reason we love to drink so much!

But every now and again - like twice a year! - it's wonderful to be purely in touch with your pure emotions. Nothing to fog out your essential feelings about something. Because there's something deeper at play in my anger at cashiers who won't pack my reusable bags. It's a feeling of being unable to ask for what I want. To let other people "serve" me. To be assertive when it comes to getting things done the way I want them done.

A drink that day would've just pushed me farther away from having to deal with these essential issues. Which I so much want to work on and improve.

So if you find yourself having your own Battle of Midway on the cleanse, don't worry. Embrace it. Analyze it. Really feel it and allow it to be. Maybe there's something at the core of it that you can take into the rest of your life that will allow you to address some of your deeper emotional issues, learn from them and move on. You may not solve every iota of the problem in one day, but at least you will have shone a light on an area of your life that might need attention. That's the first step to healing your overall outlook on life - and yourself.

If none of that works, you an always Google "anger management." Just, whatever you do, don't have a drink.

Yet.

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