I don't know what it is. I feel kind of down today. I'm going to do what I usually do when I feel down: write about it.
Normally, I write to myself. I actually considered not even sharing this information with you. Because I want my plan to help people and I think it can. So part of me wants to downplay anything negative that happens.
But, more than anything, I want to be honest. With you and with myself. It was US Senator Hiram Warren Johnson who was credited with saying, in 1918, that the first casualty of war is the truth. But the truth is also a casualty of alcoholism. I know that because I know how much I used to lie. And I don't want to do that anymore.
There are probably a few reasons I'm feeling a bit blue today. One, I shouldn't have had that third glass of wine last night. I'm probably feeling guilty about that - especially only two nights after coming off a cleanse. Bad girl. I don't consider that over-over doing it. But I knew I'd feel it and I made the decision anyway - so here I am. Let that be a lesson to all of you coming off a cleanse.
Maybe I'm just down because I'm feeling the effects of alcohol in my system for the first time in four weeks. It is a depressant, after all.
Maybe I'm down because coming off a cleanse is, as I've mentioned, kind of anti-climactic.
Or maybe I'm just concerned. Is this really working? Can it really work for others? I know in my heart it's what I want. But I also know that my theories contradict almost all of the professional research into alcohol addiction out there.
Who wouldn't feel a little bit down about that? It's going to be an uphill battle. But even if it is, it will be one war where the truth is still standing when everyone else is down.